Everything else I had seen and heard came together and added to my terror. The realization finally came to me that what they had in mind for me was nothing like I had envisioned. Roberta had no more freedom than I and they had told me she was almost through with her training. They hadn't transformed her to live her life as a submissive woman or even a totally subservient female slave. She was nothing but a plaything to be tortured or pleasured at their whim. She had no life beyond what they allowed. They allowed only sexual pleasure to the extreme of being tortured or physical pain. I wanted to be a woman and I wanted to be controlled but not to the extreme level they had planned for me. I didn't want to be their lesbian toy. They weren't even going to use me as a sex toy. They got their pleasure from watching machines pleasure and torture their subjects.I began struggling in my steel bonds. I had to get free from them. Mistress Carol laughed and said, "See what happens when you try. I had a fresh sense of my own family's long history, and perhaps I sought myself within the pages. I generally found most of Updike's novels at least engaging, but this one had a good grip on me. Still, I found myself unable to focus on the words, and after a few attempts to read further in it, I put it down.I laid back on my bed, with my hands cupped behind my head. I lay like that, with my eyes closed for several minutes before I began to cry. Gently at first, but with more and more strength until I was weeping loudly. It did not last long, only 5 minutes or so, but as I began to feel my mood lighten a little I understood better the seeming rush we had all been in to leave Construct. Later I confirmed it with a few questions at the dinner table, and a phone call to Ginny.We had all felt the need to mourn.The remainder of our evening was spent just getting caught up and squared away. We had a weeks worth of mail to go through, as well as a few other chores to take care of. Ginny was.
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